I suppose this blog is turning into a personal one, because it seems to be the only place I write about mere personality matters (except my private blogs or hand written journals of course).
I am again, in a new place of spiritual awareness, energy, vibration, and essence, and in being a Dakini, these shifts do often happen, as my role in my profession often bleeds into my personal life. There is definitely challenges in keeping the two worlds separate, and even though many many years ago, my Sacred Teacher said to keep my personal life and my work as a Tantrica separate, I was able to for a time. However, how can one truly authentically keep them separate when offering intimate healing work effects ones energy, and in so, affects the energy of relationships one is in. I see no separation. There is no way of putting up a wall from clients, when the work of a Tantrica is keep ones heart wide open, in giving, nurturing, healing, comforting, holding, looking into the clients eyes and offering love, understanding, and support them in whatever it is they are dealing with. However, when a client has a lack of integrity and crosses the Dakini’s boundaries, a whole world of chaos consumes. Boundaries are necessary for every human being, and when they are not honored, it feels like betrayal, toxicity, darkness, hurt, control and violation.
I share this awareness, because one, I met a new love, and am enjoying the deep connection and bliss we share. And, two because sometimes connections with clients that are not loving can invade in this energy and cause a ripple effect of how I might show up with my Beloved. This would be an interference, and cause for a practitioner to be unable to have a close intimate partner in their life, in my life. And, I choose not to have this. I choose to have an intimate partner in my own life, and build this and see where it goes. And, when a clients energy invades my space, it harms the energy I share with my lover.
I know from past experience, my work as a Dakini effected him, perhaps more so from his jealousy than from any energy that I was taking from my sessions to him, and because of his jealousy, we drifted apart, even though he did not share his feelings, I felt them. And he had enormous anger. He is a different subject, and had trouble with communication. However, my new beloved, has a much easier time in communicating, and hopefully it will stay as such. And, from my recent experience with a difficult client, I know that his energy affected my presence, and caused my heart to shut down. I choose to keep my heart open to me beloved, and hopefully, he will do the same.
Now, I have a choice to make.
- Either shift my work completely, and offer different services, or other services I always have but did not emphasize. (AsttarteDeva.weebly.com/about.html)
- Find locations to Teach Yoga, Tantra, Spirituality and have Cuddle events.
- Or just have my pre-screen process be even more thorough than before.
- Or perhaps, somehow a mixture of all three of these!
This video was made after a difficult session, and before clearing the energies. Since, I have had 3 acupuncture sessions, a clearing session with a healer, and sorted through this. However, this is what could happen from boundaries being crossed between client and practitioner.
Honoring Spiritual Integrity
When a client comes to you, and they share deep personal concerns, emotional surrender, and request to come see you, how is it that they have integrity over the phone, but then after they show up, it all but disappears?
I find it interesting that someone will express interest in being vulnerable with you, letting you help them over the phone, but when they show up, all their guards and defenses come up. They talk incessantly, and blame you that you never got to the hands on work; their anxiety taking over and using talking as a means of creating avoidance to their true self.
Talking is fine, if its needed. It’s important to get to the core of what’s truly going on, as any counselor or life coach will agree. However, when someone can’t stop talking, and then blame you for not getting to massage, or other hands on healing, it is simply not your fault. Perhaps what’s true, is certain individuals just don’t want to do their personal work; emotional processing, spiritual development, or surrendering to their honest vulnerabilities. When in fact, these are the things that will create true healing, deeper insight, and profound love on many levels. When we don’t do our spiritual practice, or resist it, we are not truly ready to heal, or receive the healing that will really help.
A spiritual practice, emotional vulnerability, and honest feelings are what will allow one to overcome their hurt feelings, angers, frustrations or issues from past relationships. And, in talking, we get to the core of what’s truly going on. In staying silent, and only wanting to go straight to physical intimate touch, without spiritual practice, we are not honoring other peoples boundaries, or creating the alignment that will create a balance in the giving and receiving. In the end, there is no harmony, no balance, no trust, and no love. This is the opposite of healing; the opposite of vulnerability, and only guards, frustrations, more hurt, and more resentment is built.
How do you get through to someone who does not truly want to heal? And, yet, asks for healing?
How do you help them understand when they blame you for wasting their time?
And, what do you do, if they go to extremes and refuse to pay you for your services, or take back what they gave you?
Perhaps, it just means to let certain people go. And, perhaps it just means, more spiritual cleansing, and re-evaluating old clients to make sure integrity is still in, and you’re both still compatible as client and practitioner. Re-Evaluation takes time, and its essential to continue to make sure everyone is still in harmony, even if they were someone you saw before! As practitioner grows, sometimes, they grow away from people in the past. With growth, comes change, and with change, comes new possibilities, and greater peace, greater love and greater power!
The summer is mid way here, and I’m so excited to share some great news! Perhaps its not great for you, but perhaps for anyone who it may support, it is! I am thrilled after having started an amazing process with Dana Garrison, and doing my own personal healing, and clearing some Family Entanglements and Childhood Core Imprints, I began the process to my own spiritual and physical healing. I had started my own healing some 20 years ago, however, after a couple years now since moving out of a molded apartment, and about a year since my son’s dad and I have actually stopped being together, it’s been quite a challenging year. However, I went to an amazing spiritual retreat in the beginning of July, with Shivabalayogi (Shivabalamahayogi.com), started a daily ritual process of physical healing, and have been working on clearing, cleansing, and healing at a level it had been years. 3 hour meditation every day, amidst some other physical healing practices.
Then I decided to go to see Karunamayi Ma. I first went alone, and it was so magical. I learned about a dosha balancing practice to detox the body of poisons/non welcoming bacteria, as well as energies. At first I heard it was to pull out dark toxins, but as I was doing it, I noticed nothing was coming out. So, I consulted a friend, and discovered to continue to do this, as it would clear, release and balance my nadis. My intention with Shivabalayogi was to heal my muscles. I had no idea clearing my nadis and balancing my doshas would actually heal my muscles. It has been 6 days since I started. The muscles in my arms hurt less and less every day, and its changed from intense muscle spasms while doing it, to now, dense muscle tightness and cramping, and it has gone from the mid arm to the upper arm in just a few days. I am super excited about this. I noticed the first day it was working because I went from being dominantly Kapha, being tired all the time, to having the energy to walk around town, and feeling quite dizzy afterwards, hardly being able to stand up. I got some food, went out and slept for an hour, and upon waking, I felt SO much energy I hadn’t felt in years. I felt my Pitta self coming back. The next day I woke up angry, and again the next day. Wow, I thought, my pitta is definitely coming back. The next day the anger was gone, and my energy was more balanced. They sure don’t teach this in school, or by means of western medicine. And, I’m so happy I know!
As every day goes by, the unraveling of muscle pains gets less and less, my energy gets more balanced, and I have more energy to do the things I need to do. I may consult an actual ayurvedic doctor after this, or who knows, fly to India and go to a retreat for an Ayurvedic healing journey, but for now, this is awesome! And, I am truly grateful!
I went again to Karunamayi Ma with my son to help him with his brain and the development that happened for him by growing up in mold (which I didn’t learn until much later and by then I was in such a fog I couldn’t climb out until the end). I asked her to bless him to heal his brain, his behavior, and his struggles with anger and problems with school. I then learned about MMS, a product that helps kids with autism. I dug deeper, and found a website for neurofeedback. I had heard of this before, but I then read more. I found this website: EEG Neurofeedback and was so excited when I read this:
“We are especially concerned with the more “intractable” brain-based problems of childhood whose needs are not currently being met. This includes, Seizures and sub-clinical seizure activity, Severely disruptive behavior disorders such as Conduct Disorder and Bipolar Disorder, Autistic spectrum and pervasive developmental delay, Cerebral palsy, Acquired brain injury, Birth trauma.”
“Many children have sleep problems that can be helped such as Bed wetting, Sleep walking, sleep talking, Teeth grinding, Nightmares, Night terrors.”
I don’t know if my son meets these, however, from growing up in mold, what he has been dealing with is very very close. I have my reasons why we could not leave that apartment, and the management did not help us every time I asked. I did not know there was mold inside the walls until after being there nearly 8 years. I fought with management for nearly 2 months before they let us move the spring of 2013. I could not deal with a lawyer because I was sick and trying to heal and detox. So, what I am now left with is healing myself, and my son. And, I will not give up! I may put up something on gofundme.com to help with all we have gone through, but for now, I am excited that true healing has started and I won’t stop!
Being a practitioner of mostly spiritual healing, yoga, tantra and emotional healing, I must also be able to perform at my best. And, I’m excited that I am coming back…to my health, to my heart, to my spirituality, to my fun, joy and passion for living!
Much Much Love and Healing!!!
Today was one of those days I like to be grateful for! I am grateful to sharing connection, love, and beautiful conversation to my loved one. I am grateful to a beautiful healing session for a client that produced wonderful energetic shifts of consciousness, grounding anxious and stress energy and beginning an opening to calm, peace and bliss. I am even more grateful to the expansion of energy, the wisdom and knowledge in its deepest form, and the truth of the magick that it is. I am grateful to yoga, and my constant yoga practice. I am even grateful for taking a break from landmark, and the clarity that it was too aggressive for me these past couple months. And, I am grateful to be able to say good bye! (It is over soon as I extend my support either now or later. Later might be in the cards. We shall see). I am grateful to my mother. I am grateful to lessening sugars and its impact with my son. I am grateful to a good book! I am grateful to friends! I am grateful to hope! I am grateful to love!
My son’s dad, and spiritual husband is leaving to Colorado for two weeks on Monday. Day hours for sessions may be best, or just enough notice! I may be filling my weekends with fun family events, but just let me know ahead of time if you need me to support you in any way!
With Love, and Namaste~
Ok, so here goes! I was hiding my true identity by moving over from one blog to another. I kept things separate to make everyone feel good. I downplayed what I really do, to make those who were perhaps judging stop judging! Ok, so what! People are going to have their opinions. They are going to judge. They are going to have feelings! And, the truth is, I am a tantrica, I am a Dakini, and always have been, and probably always will be, even if my body and mind try to tell me differently!
So what’s good about being honest…I can tell you I’ve not been doing tantric healing anymore, and changed, and that would be a lie! I can say I only do Life Coaching, and that would be a lie too! I actually do all of it!
Spiritual Energy, Emotional Healing, Life, Relationship and Sex Coaching! And massage, yoga, meditation, breath work, and all the things I’ve always done among the new things I have taken on in the past few years! I still do Dakini, Sexual Healing, Tantric Breathwork Coaching, along with Energy Work, Goddess Worship, and Intuitive Emotional Healing. I still do cuddling, eye gazing, and tantric energy work, among Tantric Coaching, Relationship and Sex, and Transformational Life! It all depends on EACH and EVERY SINGLE individual. Every single person needs something VERY specific to who they are and what they need, want, desire and are ready for! I have separate sites, but, that is to cater to the individual who is ready for the work described in that place!
Perhaps I needed a break. I needed to take time from certain types of people. I needed to be gentle with myself, and I took time to get a handle on the whole marketing business aspect.
So, whats next? THAT’S THE BIG QUESTION! Well, I’m still going to keep writing! So whichever subject you want to read about most, go to the site that’s about that specific focus! My Yoga Teacher Training is over, and my Introduction Leaders Training is almost over, so I’m on to new things! I think its time Cuddle Yoga Events start happening again. I think everyone is ready for that! And, it’s time I finish writing my books! Anyone know a good writing coach? 🙂 And, after the books, its time to start a Tantra & Spiritual Healing School.
I may be traveling more with this work, so feel free to request new locations. One new main location may be Colorado, among New York City! So, please if you want me there, ask me. I have places to go to stay and all we have to do is set up the session!
What Does Everyone Want Beloved fellow humans, beings on the sacred path, those who practice yoga, seekers of healing, spirituality and growth……
I am curious about what everyone likes to read about, write about, and learn about.
I am in the re-creation of my own work.
Do those few of you who read these posts here like this blog? Do you like its name? If you were an onlooker would it be strange to you? the name and spelling? I would love to integrate all my sites eventually into one site, but for now, the categories above have different markets and different people’s needs will be drawn to who will be supported the most.
I’m working on gaining clarity!!!! The Yoga Teacher Training I am in is REALLY intensive! I’m not sore; amazingly, but quite a bit ungrounded today! I did an all yoga weekend Sat from 10 am until Sunday at 9:30pm. And last night’s Satsang Music was awesome! 🙂
Blessings and Love,
It saddens me that the majority of people of our culture in the world don’t want true tantra; nor do they know what true tantra really is. The sex industry, and the porn industry have bought the term tantra, so most people in our society believe it to be something it is not truly meant to be. There is a fine line between tantra and the sexual and that’s where it gets confusing, but most only understand it to be a sexual practice, and not a yogic one. However, true tantra has the foundations and deep training of simple yogic philosophy, emotional healing, chakra healing, energy clearing, deep breathing, meditation, pranayama breath work, awareness and true surrender to the emotions and deep journeying of the emotions in the body. All of these things are NOT sexual at all. However, they are tantric. Many would say that going deep into the emotional process is not a tantric practice, however, if you study enough, go back far enough in the ancient teachings, get shamanic training with the ancient ancestors, and do your spiritual training LONG enough, you will discover the power in it and that in fact it is a tantric journey. Because EVERYTHING is tantric. Everything has to do with surrendering deep enough, and long enough into the self, and that is a Yoga practice.
However, many yogi’s in our culture believe that they need to abstain from the sexual, and that incorporating the sexual into their yogic practice is like breaking a rule, just like in the Christian or Catholic Religion says to abstain from sex until marriage. In the end, this Yoga Teaching and the restriction of Christian Religion almost is the same thing. Neither are about honoring your true natural body and your true heart. They want you to control it. However, yoga is tantra, and tantra is yoga. It is about surrendering to the body, the feelings, the energy, the emotions and the space of what is. That makes the term tantra unlimited, and controlling its definition is impossible. Just like limiting the term tantra to just the spiritual is impossible as well. However, tantra is sacred, and many who believe to know its meaning automatically and immediately want to take it to the place of the sexual, and this is not sacred. Assuming it will go there, or forcing it go there, and trying to control it is certainly NOT yogic and certainly NOT spiritual, nor is it sacred. And I found that in working as a Tantric Healer for SO long that many did come with the thought in the back of their mind that they had to control the situation if it was not going the way they had planned or expected. However, when one comes to learn tantra, they are in fact coming to learn yoga, they are coming to learn of their true emotions, their true nature and their true energy patterns. True tantra is mastering the psyche, but also mastering ones energy, ones breath, ones body and using it as a tool to expand themselves to a full capacity of deep love from within. That is it! When these experiences open someone up to the point of feeling deep pleasure from within and it comes naturally, it is tantric.
However, when one comes and expects the erotic with no background of the spiritual, they are NOT asking for tantra training. They are in fact asking for erotic training. They are different. And, others could argue that erotic training could be tantric, however, without the spiritual component and without any base of spiritual background, they will not have their roots firmly planted. They will be putting their seeds in the wrong garden and the spiritual garden of love will not grow. It will be sitting on the sideline waiting for someone to water it, but it will eventually wither up and die, because the erotic garden got more attention. It is possible to access love through the erotic, but only when those seeking the erotic come to the place to realize that their heart needs nurturing and love and they choose to pull back and go deeper within their feelings. Then their heart will shine and they will have balance. However, by this point they will have to surrender their ego’s and re-learn the true meaning of tantra, and they may have hurt a lot of people they cared about along the way, or could have cared about as they realize all the damage they have done. They will have a lot of people to reach out to and apologize, or try to clean up any mess they made by forcing their sexual needs onto others. However, when one starts their practice by going deep into the yogic journey and true spiritual development, there will be less hearts broken, less messes to clean up and they will develop their skills gradually and become the true healer/lover/friend/yogi they have always wished to be.
I would SO love to meet those who truly want to learn true tantra, and truly want to go deep into their personal healing journey. For those, I have much to teach and much to share!